Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
