It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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