I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
