Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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