When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
