My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
