She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
His nipple licking is glorious
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