I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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