I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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