i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
