If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
