Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
