JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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