creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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