I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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