why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
