STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
