dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize