Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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