Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
