I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
