census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize