At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
