Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
