I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
