Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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