Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We're too hungover to prance.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
