I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just high enough for therapy.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize