your thong is hanging out like whoa
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
