God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
