he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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