come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
