She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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