I can tuck mytits in my pants
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize