I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
