So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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