I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
