His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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