Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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