Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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