It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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