i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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