oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
