I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I CAN MOONWALK!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
