his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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