Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
