they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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