The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
