Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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