i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
