We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
