Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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