you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
