She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
