Well douche your snatch and let's go!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
