last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The beer is more important than you right now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
