THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
