She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
