god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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