i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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