this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
