youre lurking in front of me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my liver is dry heaving
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drunk is a universal language darling
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
