Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
