Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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