I will die if light touches me.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
