Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
