Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
