So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
