So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
