soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He better not be in your backpack
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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