he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
