Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
