would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
