He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
