Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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