i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
