its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
