Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
